All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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