8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Randomize