turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
