The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
