the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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