What a fucking waste of an outfit
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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