Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
