so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize