when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
