I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
