a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
In America we eat man semen.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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