omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
