Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
