I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
We left the knife in your bed.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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