the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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