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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
