I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
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