6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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