yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
