God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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