dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
