I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
