Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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