I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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