just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
