You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
