at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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