There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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