I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
