Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
