i can't believe i had my finger in that
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
its liver damage thursday
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
