He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
