What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
