dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
