I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
