My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
