You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
