It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
