Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
foreskin is a definite game changer
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Randomize
