Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
