Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
In America we eat man semen.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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