shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
