just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
