May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize
