Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
