ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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