So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
