i need an iv and a liver transplant
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
You ate ashes out of my bong
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
