Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
