no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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