my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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