I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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