the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
