i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
