i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Randomize
