So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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