Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
