just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
