sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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