I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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