Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
