if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
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