The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
