$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
