I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Randomize
