Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
