i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
