you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
