lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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