I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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