just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
