is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
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