weddingsv make me drug and hornr
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
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