Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
