If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
